There is a ghost in my house that has been seriously annoying me lately. Since he or she is probably here watching me write this, I might as well address him or her directly.
Listen Ghost! I am not afraid of you. This is something you should now. I ain't afraid of no ghosts! So there really is no reason for you to wake me up at 5am with your 'boos', 'coos', and other strange sounds. Besides, I'm not due to wake up till 530am.
What is the deal anyway? Are you stuck in limbo and need help resolving some issue before you can cross over? Is that it? Did someone murder you and your killer was never caught and you won't rest until he pays for his crime. Whichever it is, I can help. Communication is the key here buddy. Leave me some clues! I recommend a message on the bathroom mirror after i take a hot shower. I figure you could manipulate the steam into words. No peeking.
If I am going to help you though, there has to be some ground rules.
1. No noises till after 530am. I'm cranky if I don't get at least 6 hours of sleep. I won't help you if I'm cranky.
2. If you're a female ghost from Asia please do something about your hair if you're going to show yourself. Cut it short, put it up, pull it back, or something. The long black hair hanging in front of the face with the one eye peeking out thing is a little scary.
3. Don't mess with my TV. If I'm watching one of my shows or football and you interrupt the TV signal or crawl out of the TV, our deal is off. No exceptions! There is a reason I don't use satellite.
4. Last but not least, You are not allowed to possess any object or anyone in this house...... unless your reason for possession is to communicate the problem you want me to solve for you. In that case, I will allow possession of any doll or toy with the exception of the Tickle Me Elmo. That would freak me out. If you cannot find an adequate toy, you can possess my daughter. But only for a short amount of time! And not during nap time!
PS: One more thing. My girlfriend says there is a bird that likes to hang out on my roof near the chimney opening making strange noises at 5am every morning. Can you handle that for me? I mean since you're up anyway.
Saturday, September 25, 2010
Thursday, September 9, 2010
NFL 2010 Regular Season Predictions
No bold predictions here. I don't think there are going to be any surprises this year except for maybe the decline of the NFC East and the resurgence of the Patriots. You can tease me after the season for my bad picks, but be sure to give me props for my good ones.
AFC East
New England Patriots 12-4
New York Jets 11-5
Miami Dolphins 9-7
Buffalo Bills 3-13
AFC North
Baltimore Ravens 10-6
Cincinnati Bengals 10-6
Pittsburgh Steelers 9-7
Cleveland Browns 2-14
AFC South
Indianopolis Colts 13-3
Tennessee Titans 11-5
Houston Texans 9-7
Jacksonville Jaguars 4-12
AFC West
San Diego Chargers 11-5
Oakland Raiders 7-9
Denver Broncos 6-10
Kansas City Chiefs 4-12
NFC East
Dallas Cowboys 10-6
Washington Redskins 8-8
New York Giants 7-9
Philadelphia Eagles 5-11
NFC North
Green Bay Packers 12-4
Minnesota Vikings 12-4
Chicago Bears 6-10
Detroit Lions 4-12
NFC South
New Orleans Saints 13-3
Atlanta Falcons 10-6
Carolina Panthers 6-10
Tampa Bay Buccaneers 3-13
NFC West
San Francisco 49ers 10-6
St. Louis Rans 5-11
Seattle Seahawks 4-12
Arizona Cardinals 4-12
AFC East
New England Patriots 12-4
New York Jets 11-5
Miami Dolphins 9-7
Buffalo Bills 3-13
AFC North
Baltimore Ravens 10-6
Cincinnati Bengals 10-6
Pittsburgh Steelers 9-7
Cleveland Browns 2-14
AFC South
Indianopolis Colts 13-3
Tennessee Titans 11-5
Houston Texans 9-7
Jacksonville Jaguars 4-12
AFC West
San Diego Chargers 11-5
Oakland Raiders 7-9
Denver Broncos 6-10
Kansas City Chiefs 4-12
NFC East
Dallas Cowboys 10-6
Washington Redskins 8-8
New York Giants 7-9
Philadelphia Eagles 5-11
NFC North
Green Bay Packers 12-4
Minnesota Vikings 12-4
Chicago Bears 6-10
Detroit Lions 4-12
NFC South
New Orleans Saints 13-3
Atlanta Falcons 10-6
Carolina Panthers 6-10
Tampa Bay Buccaneers 3-13
NFC West
San Francisco 49ers 10-6
St. Louis Rans 5-11
Seattle Seahawks 4-12
Arizona Cardinals 4-12
Saturday, August 28, 2010
Bitch Blog #1 (Everything Happens for a Reason)
I am not a big complainer. In fact, people who complain often annoy me. There is, however, something therapeutic about getting 'frustrations' off your chest every once in awhile.
So, I thought I'd start a series of blogs where I whine a little. For therapeutic purposes of course.
I want to start off with the most annoying cliche I can think of.
So, I thought I'd start a series of blogs where I whine a little. For therapeutic purposes of course.
I want to start off with the most annoying cliche I can think of.
"Everything Happens for a reason"
I hate it when people say this. Hate!
I do understand that yes everything does happen for a reason, but I look at it more from a scientific 'Cause and Effect' point of view. That is not how the quote is used though. Most people use this annoying cliche as an excuse for failure, disappointment, or pain or to try to make you feel better after some kind of negative event. The most popular situation when this phrase is used is when there is a big breakup. You know how it goes.
Girl crying: Johnny broke up with me!
Friend of girl crying: Don't worry girl. Everything happens for a reason. You'll find someone better.
Annoying! Real Reason? You've let yourself go. He found a better looking chick. You nag too much.
Recently a top level potential star rookie pitcher tore his elbow tendon during a game which will sideline him for up to 18 months and could end his career. His response "Everything happens for a reason."
Yuck! Real Reason? You didn't stretch properly. You don't have good pitching technique. You have a weak body.
I know many will say God creates these crises to 'test' you. I just don't believe God does that. I'm not here to start a religious debate though so I'll move on.
To get back at the people that annoy me by saying "Everything Happens for a Reason", I'm going to start using it....in other situations.
Potential future conversations:
1. Where's Princess
Phone Rings
Me: Hello?
Friend: Oh my goodness. I can't believe it. (sobbing)
Me: What happened?
Friend: Princess. She's dead.(sobbing)
Me: How? What happened?
Friend: (Still sobbing) She was sleeping behind my car. I didn't see her and ran over her. How am I going to tell my daughter I killed her dog.
Me: Sorry to hear about that, but EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON! Guess you weren't meant to have that dog. Need a ride to the pet store?
2. The Factory
Coworker: (Screaming in agony) Aaargh!
Me: 911? A co-worker's leg just got caught in an assembly machine. It's cutting his leg off. Please hurry!
Co-Worker: Aaarrgh!!
Me: Hang in there buddy.
911: An emergency vehicle is on its way. Is he responsive?
Me: How you holding up John? His other leg is now gone too!
John: Aarrgh!!
Me: It's alright man. EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON! This was probably meant to happen to put pressure on the execs to build better wheelchair access. You're a hero buddy!
Factory manager: Tony. Weren't you supposed to be on the assembly machine today?
Me: Yeah, but I was running late this morning. Had to take a friend to the pet store.
Saturday, July 17, 2010
32 Teeth
Do you act differently around 'unique' looking individuals or do you treat everyone the same? I used to think I was the same guy no matter who I was talking to. In fact, I've received compliments from 'odd' looking folks substantiation my belief. If I'm talking to you and you got crazy bad breath, I don't skip a beat. No reaction what so ever. If I'm talking to a female who is ...... 'Top Heavy', my eyes stay above the neck line like I would with anyone else. I may have snuck a peek, but she didn't notice. I have good peripheral vision. Most of the time I am on auto pilot when it comes to not showing surprise, shock, nausea, disgust, disapproval or disbelief. Lately though, I think I'm starting to slip.
Last year I needed some fence work done in my back yard so I randomly selected a guy from the online yellow pages. Guy shows up and I reach out with my right hand to shake his right hand. Problem!! He only has two fingers on his right hand! And it's two odd fingers like his thumb and pinkie. Something like that. The old Tony would have played it off showing no reaction whatsoever. Instead I looked down at this hand and said 'sorry about that'. I felt like an idiot! Anyway, dude did an excellent job on the fence. Six months later, I need the gate of my fence replaced. I call up two-fingers. He shows up and I'm ready for the hand shake. I put out my right hand, but this time he shakes my right hand with his left hand. Awkward! Damn!! He must have remembered our last encounter. That threw me off and again I look down at this hand. I'll be ready for him next time. He is a fence repair genius. No kidding. I don't know how he does it.
Some of you already know, I've been kind of cheating on my diet. I am currently addicted to Braum's chocolate ice cream. I don't go crazy. Just one scoop at a time! One day I am at the Braum's drive through..... (side note for those who don't know what Braum's is. It's like Dairy Queen, but better.) Back to the story. I pull up to the drive through to pay for my order when this guy sticks his head out the window and shocks the hell out of me. He has one eye sagging about an inch lower than the other. I'm staring at the thing wondering if he can see out of it. It looks like his eye is falling out of his head. You can see eye veins and the stuff that is normally behind the eye. I have to be real. It was Gross. So I'm staring at the guy for what seemed like 2 minutes when my ears finally stop ringing and I hear him say (probably for the 4th or 5th time) "$1.35 please". I felt like an ass because I knew he knew I was staring hard at his droopy eye. Why not wear a patch or something? Seems all was forgiven, because he gave me the biggest, best shaped scoop of ice cream a waffle cone could hold. Definitely better than the lady with no teeth who normally serves me.
I'm really starting to get concerned about this. When I used to work at an airport in Colorado I came across many different types of people of various sizes, shapes, colors......ailments. Nothing used to cause me to freeze, stare, or studder. I remember this one guy came through the airport with a tumor on the side of his face and neck the size of a basketball. Did not faze me at all. Maybe this Texas heat has messed me up somehow.
There's more!
There is a burger place in my town called Griff's. Decent place near my house. I go there last week for lunch and the lady that's on the grill has a Unibrow. One long eyebrow! The Unibrow has got to be the most unattractive facial feature. That's not all folks. She brings the food to the counter for me to pick up. (Not sure why the cook brought the food to the counter for me. She did not do that for anyone else. She must think all black guys like fat white girls) Anyway, as she gets closer I realize her unibrow is drawn in! Or tattooed! It's not her real eyebrow. She shaved her real eyebrow and with makeup drew in her own. A unibrow!! She smiled as she gave me the food. I did not smile back. I stared at her like she was from another planet. And maybe she was! A human wouldn't purposely do that to themselves, right? I hope to goodness it's not a tattooed brow gone bad. I hope she was just not good with the eyebrow pencil that morning. (FYI ladies! Men do not like the fake eyebrows! We like real hair up there!) Much respect to the Unibrow though. She hooked me up with a delicious burger. Better than the last one cooked by the girl with no teeth.
P.S. There really is a girl working at Braum's and at the burger place with missing teeth. I did not add that in for effect. My fence guy is also missing some teeth. We need to brush our teeth folks. Come on!
Last year I needed some fence work done in my back yard so I randomly selected a guy from the online yellow pages. Guy shows up and I reach out with my right hand to shake his right hand. Problem!! He only has two fingers on his right hand! And it's two odd fingers like his thumb and pinkie. Something like that. The old Tony would have played it off showing no reaction whatsoever. Instead I looked down at this hand and said 'sorry about that'. I felt like an idiot! Anyway, dude did an excellent job on the fence. Six months later, I need the gate of my fence replaced. I call up two-fingers. He shows up and I'm ready for the hand shake. I put out my right hand, but this time he shakes my right hand with his left hand. Awkward! Damn!! He must have remembered our last encounter. That threw me off and again I look down at this hand. I'll be ready for him next time. He is a fence repair genius. No kidding. I don't know how he does it.
Some of you already know, I've been kind of cheating on my diet. I am currently addicted to Braum's chocolate ice cream. I don't go crazy. Just one scoop at a time! One day I am at the Braum's drive through..... (side note for those who don't know what Braum's is. It's like Dairy Queen, but better.) Back to the story. I pull up to the drive through to pay for my order when this guy sticks his head out the window and shocks the hell out of me. He has one eye sagging about an inch lower than the other. I'm staring at the thing wondering if he can see out of it. It looks like his eye is falling out of his head. You can see eye veins and the stuff that is normally behind the eye. I have to be real. It was Gross. So I'm staring at the guy for what seemed like 2 minutes when my ears finally stop ringing and I hear him say (probably for the 4th or 5th time) "$1.35 please". I felt like an ass because I knew he knew I was staring hard at his droopy eye. Why not wear a patch or something? Seems all was forgiven, because he gave me the biggest, best shaped scoop of ice cream a waffle cone could hold. Definitely better than the lady with no teeth who normally serves me.
I'm really starting to get concerned about this. When I used to work at an airport in Colorado I came across many different types of people of various sizes, shapes, colors......ailments. Nothing used to cause me to freeze, stare, or studder. I remember this one guy came through the airport with a tumor on the side of his face and neck the size of a basketball. Did not faze me at all. Maybe this Texas heat has messed me up somehow.
There's more!
There is a burger place in my town called Griff's. Decent place near my house. I go there last week for lunch and the lady that's on the grill has a Unibrow. One long eyebrow! The Unibrow has got to be the most unattractive facial feature. That's not all folks. She brings the food to the counter for me to pick up. (Not sure why the cook brought the food to the counter for me. She did not do that for anyone else. She must think all black guys like fat white girls) Anyway, as she gets closer I realize her unibrow is drawn in! Or tattooed! It's not her real eyebrow. She shaved her real eyebrow and with makeup drew in her own. A unibrow!! She smiled as she gave me the food. I did not smile back. I stared at her like she was from another planet. And maybe she was! A human wouldn't purposely do that to themselves, right? I hope to goodness it's not a tattooed brow gone bad. I hope she was just not good with the eyebrow pencil that morning. (FYI ladies! Men do not like the fake eyebrows! We like real hair up there!) Much respect to the Unibrow though. She hooked me up with a delicious burger. Better than the last one cooked by the girl with no teeth.
P.S. There really is a girl working at Braum's and at the burger place with missing teeth. I did not add that in for effect. My fence guy is also missing some teeth. We need to brush our teeth folks. Come on!
Saturday, June 5, 2010
Insert Foot in Mouth
You ever see two things together that do not match at all? Total Opposites? Short white guy with tall black woman. Something like that. I have never seen that by the way! Send a pic if you have.
Today I attended a Philippine Republic Day Celebration with my girlfriend and the Lil Diva. The event was held at the Traders Village Flea Market in Grand Prairie Texas. After spending about two hours watching people who cannot sing trying to sing, we decided to leave. On our way out we passed by a flea market vendor who was selling young girls dresses and.....'drum roll'......GARAGE DOORS! I'm not kidding. The vendor had samples of two types of garage doors hanging from her tent and then inside the tent she was selling dresses. What's crazy is, there was actually a couple of guys looking at the garage door samples and someone looking at the dresses. Business is booming!
Business must not be booming for the Medical Industry which is forcing Doctors to be creative or..........I don't know. You decide.
A new office opened up near my house that combines two medical fields. Dentistry and Podiatry. Yes! Dentistry and Podiatry. The actual sign on the building reads "Teeth and Feet - Dentistry and Podiatry". LOL! What? A dentist and a foot doctor in the same office? Let me clarify. The building is really a one story single family home that is at most 800 square feet. It is Tiny! I am guessing two friends got together to open this business together. One is a dentist, the other one fixes peoples nasty feet. They couldn't afford to start their own businesses so they combined their resources and opened up "Teeth and Feet". At least, I HOPE that the case. I cannot imagine there is just one Doctor and he specializes in both Teeth and Feet. Yuck. How would you know if he washed his hands after an ingrown toenail surgery before he started working on your wisdom teeth?
Today I attended a Philippine Republic Day Celebration with my girlfriend and the Lil Diva. The event was held at the Traders Village Flea Market in Grand Prairie Texas. After spending about two hours watching people who cannot sing trying to sing, we decided to leave. On our way out we passed by a flea market vendor who was selling young girls dresses and.....'drum roll'......GARAGE DOORS! I'm not kidding. The vendor had samples of two types of garage doors hanging from her tent and then inside the tent she was selling dresses. What's crazy is, there was actually a couple of guys looking at the garage door samples and someone looking at the dresses. Business is booming!
Business must not be booming for the Medical Industry which is forcing Doctors to be creative or..........I don't know. You decide.
A new office opened up near my house that combines two medical fields. Dentistry and Podiatry. Yes! Dentistry and Podiatry. The actual sign on the building reads "Teeth and Feet - Dentistry and Podiatry". LOL! What? A dentist and a foot doctor in the same office? Let me clarify. The building is really a one story single family home that is at most 800 square feet. It is Tiny! I am guessing two friends got together to open this business together. One is a dentist, the other one fixes peoples nasty feet. They couldn't afford to start their own businesses so they combined their resources and opened up "Teeth and Feet". At least, I HOPE that the case. I cannot imagine there is just one Doctor and he specializes in both Teeth and Feet. Yuck. How would you know if he washed his hands after an ingrown toenail surgery before he started working on your wisdom teeth?
Friday, June 4, 2010
Full of Tilt
So in April of this year I joined a Golf League with coworkers. We meet most Mondays and play nine holes against other departments at courses in the Dallas/Fort Worth area. It's pretty fun and I get to work on my golf game. Problem is, I play with the most annoying person on the planet! This guy inspired me to come up with a list of the 50 most annoying types of people. Unfortunately, once I got to the 5th most annoying person I realized I could write a full length novel describing this list and it could take months. I just don't have the time or energy for that. I will, however, share my experience with one person who has annoyed me recently. I'll get to the most annoying person on the planet in a future blog.
It's been awhile since I've played poker, but the last time I did this extremely annoying woman sat next to me. I have to set this up a bit. When I play poker it's normally at a bar in a free poker league. Gambling is illegal in Texas. Anyways, the real Texas poker players drive to Oklahoma and play at the Casinos. The beginners, trailer trash, and myself play for free at bars in the Dallas Fort Worth area. When I say trailer trash, I mean trailer trash as seen on Jerry Springer. There is this one couple; the husband is in his 70's, the wife is in her late 30's and SHE is the one with the missing front teeth! No Joke. I will talk about missing teeth in a future blog. At these free games we're not sitting at the big poker tables you see on TV. We sit at small octagon shaped poker table tops that sit on top of a regular table. The table tops barely seat 8 people so it gets tight. So the last time I played this lady sits next to me and she has the following annoying qualities:
1. She's huge! I have nothing against large people, but I do have something against large people sitting next to me at a small poker table where their nasty legs are rubbing up against my sexy legs for three straight hours during a poker tournament. 'Please shave!'
2. She is still wearing her work clothes. Not the full garb, just the apron. 'We don't care that you work at the waffle house. You can take the apron off and leave it in the car.'
3. She eating and drinking at the table. This is not a big deal at a large regular sized casino table or with a small table next to the poker table where you can sit you food on. But she has her food on the small table we are playing on. What makes it worse is we take turns dealing so when it's her turn to deal she has to move her iced tea and chicken quesadillas in front of me so she has room to deal the cards. 'Next time order a pizza so we can share.'
4. She's wearing a big black burqa. I have no problem with any ones religious views, but damn! It's 100 degrees out and you're wearing cloak. A black cloak. 'You're making ME hot! Can't you wear one of those summer burqa's? Plus you're sweating all over the place.'
5. Worst of all. She can't play poker. 'K 10 offsuit is not a good enough hand to call a reraised pot with preflop.'
Of course, I outlasted this girl in the tournament and almost made it 'in the money', but I was definitely on tilt while she was still in. Annoying!!
It's been awhile since I've played poker, but the last time I did this extremely annoying woman sat next to me. I have to set this up a bit. When I play poker it's normally at a bar in a free poker league. Gambling is illegal in Texas. Anyways, the real Texas poker players drive to Oklahoma and play at the Casinos. The beginners, trailer trash, and myself play for free at bars in the Dallas Fort Worth area. When I say trailer trash, I mean trailer trash as seen on Jerry Springer. There is this one couple; the husband is in his 70's, the wife is in her late 30's and SHE is the one with the missing front teeth! No Joke. I will talk about missing teeth in a future blog. At these free games we're not sitting at the big poker tables you see on TV. We sit at small octagon shaped poker table tops that sit on top of a regular table. The table tops barely seat 8 people so it gets tight. So the last time I played this lady sits next to me and she has the following annoying qualities:
1. She's huge! I have nothing against large people, but I do have something against large people sitting next to me at a small poker table where their nasty legs are rubbing up against my sexy legs for three straight hours during a poker tournament. 'Please shave!'
2. She is still wearing her work clothes. Not the full garb, just the apron. 'We don't care that you work at the waffle house. You can take the apron off and leave it in the car.'
3. She eating and drinking at the table. This is not a big deal at a large regular sized casino table or with a small table next to the poker table where you can sit you food on. But she has her food on the small table we are playing on. What makes it worse is we take turns dealing so when it's her turn to deal she has to move her iced tea and chicken quesadillas in front of me so she has room to deal the cards. 'Next time order a pizza so we can share.'
4. She's wearing a big black burqa. I have no problem with any ones religious views, but damn! It's 100 degrees out and you're wearing cloak. A black cloak. 'You're making ME hot! Can't you wear one of those summer burqa's? Plus you're sweating all over the place.'
5. Worst of all. She can't play poker. 'K 10 offsuit is not a good enough hand to call a reraised pot with preflop.'
Of course, I outlasted this girl in the tournament and almost made it 'in the money', but I was definitely on tilt while she was still in. Annoying!!
Saturday, May 29, 2010
Crowne Plaza
Last week I attended day 2 of the Crown Plaza Invitational at the Colonial in Fort Worth. This was the first time I attended a professional golf tournament and it definitely will not be the last. I had a great time. I didn't stay very long though because it was very hot and I forgot my sunscreen. I know what you're thinking. Tony, black people don't need sunscreen.
1. Yes, we do! I burn on my arms and nose.
2. I'm half white.
Anyway, I got to see the best golfers in the world up close. Very close! At one point I was so close I could have reached out and touched Phil Mickelson's man boobs if I wanted to. I didn't want to.
The night before the tournament I tweeted Y.E. Yang (local Pro Golfer) telling him to look out for a 'brotha with a blue shirt on' and to give me a 'head nod'. Surprisingly, he responded "I'll try, but no promises". Cool! Don't get me wrong, I'm not the kind of person who gets 'Star Struck'. My heart doesn't start racing and I don't break out the pen and pad for autographs when I see a celeb or big athlete. I just like to say "what's up" and maybe brag about my encounter on twitter and facebook later. I've met Dan Marino, Sugar Ray Leonard, Danny Glover, Ben Stein (cool as hell), and a bunch of other athletes (Apolo Ohno is tiny). No big deal.
Back to Y.E. Yang. So, I'm at the 10th and after he hits his tee shot he starts walking to his next shot and looks right at me. I feel it. He's about to give me the head nod. Then he looks to my left. I follow his eyes and there's another black guy with a blue shirt on! What the hell? Y.E. doesn't make any expression and keeps walking to his ball. I thought I'd give it another shot and started walking to the next hole. The other blue shirt black guy followed me! "Why are you following me man? I understand there is strength in numbers, but we do not always have to stick together. I do not feel threatened with the 99 to 1 white to black ratio here. Back off a little please." I said this in my head of course. I see this often though. In large crowds different races voluntarily segregate themselves. I also see where it is not so voluntary.....
Like in Theater.
Everyone knows the stereotype 'blacks are always late'. As an African American male I am here to confirm this stereotype is 97% TRUE. The only reason I say 97% is because I am never late, so I'm guessing there has to be others out there like me. Haven't met them yet, but surely they must exist. So the next time you're in a theater survey the landscape of the audience and pay very close attention right around the time the lights go out and the previews start. This is when my brothas and sistas show up. And because they are late, they all end up in the same area of the auditorium; the very undesirable first two rows right in front of the screen where you can't see anything because it is too close.
How the hell did this blog go from watching a PGA tournament to segregation in movie theaters?
I'm losing it.
1. Yes, we do! I burn on my arms and nose.
2. I'm half white.
Anyway, I got to see the best golfers in the world up close. Very close! At one point I was so close I could have reached out and touched Phil Mickelson's man boobs if I wanted to. I didn't want to.
The night before the tournament I tweeted Y.E. Yang (local Pro Golfer) telling him to look out for a 'brotha with a blue shirt on' and to give me a 'head nod'. Surprisingly, he responded "I'll try, but no promises". Cool! Don't get me wrong, I'm not the kind of person who gets 'Star Struck'. My heart doesn't start racing and I don't break out the pen and pad for autographs when I see a celeb or big athlete. I just like to say "what's up" and maybe brag about my encounter on twitter and facebook later. I've met Dan Marino, Sugar Ray Leonard, Danny Glover, Ben Stein (cool as hell), and a bunch of other athletes (Apolo Ohno is tiny). No big deal.
Back to Y.E. Yang. So, I'm at the 10th and after he hits his tee shot he starts walking to his next shot and looks right at me. I feel it. He's about to give me the head nod. Then he looks to my left. I follow his eyes and there's another black guy with a blue shirt on! What the hell? Y.E. doesn't make any expression and keeps walking to his ball. I thought I'd give it another shot and started walking to the next hole. The other blue shirt black guy followed me! "Why are you following me man? I understand there is strength in numbers, but we do not always have to stick together. I do not feel threatened with the 99 to 1 white to black ratio here. Back off a little please." I said this in my head of course. I see this often though. In large crowds different races voluntarily segregate themselves. I also see where it is not so voluntary.....
Like in Theater.
Everyone knows the stereotype 'blacks are always late'. As an African American male I am here to confirm this stereotype is 97% TRUE. The only reason I say 97% is because I am never late, so I'm guessing there has to be others out there like me. Haven't met them yet, but surely they must exist. So the next time you're in a theater survey the landscape of the audience and pay very close attention right around the time the lights go out and the previews start. This is when my brothas and sistas show up. And because they are late, they all end up in the same area of the auditorium; the very undesirable first two rows right in front of the screen where you can't see anything because it is too close.
How the hell did this blog go from watching a PGA tournament to segregation in movie theaters?
I'm losing it.
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