10 in 10 - Mission Accomplished! (Kind of)

Roughly 10 weeks ago I started a diet. The goal was to lose 10 pounds in 10 weeks. A pound a week should be pretty easy right?

From the start I knew I wouldn't have the time or discipline to workout consistently enough to see results so I had to be diligent with counting calories. I hear now that is the hard way to do it.

Anyways, I downloaded an app on my blackberry called 'MyFitnessplan' to help me out. Nearly every day, I kept track of what I ate using the MyFitnessPlan app. Based on my starting weight and my goal, I was only allowed to eat 1,700 calories a day. 1,70o calories!! I can do that in one meal EASY. I can do 2,000 calories in 10 minutes. Not kidding.

So I weighed myself once a week every Monday morning. My starting weight 187. Friends that haven't seen me in awhile would be shocked to hear that I was 187 (actually hit 200 a few years ago). For most of my life though (High school to about 6 years ago) I weighed 155 and was trying to gain weight.

I jumped out the gates fast! After week one I was down to 185.4. This is going to be easy!

Week 2 - 184.8

Week 3 - 183.0 I'm on a roll 4 lbs in 3 weeks.

Week 4 - 183.2 Screeeeeeeeeeeeech!! What the hell? This would be a good time to point out that my scale is not always accurate. I can weigh in twice within seconds and come up with two very different results. I'm thinking it wasn't accurate in week 3.

Week 5 - 182.2 Back on track!

Week 6 - 181.4

Week 7 - 179.2

Week 8, 9, 10 - ?

What happened you ask? I stopped losing weight!! I got so frustrated, I stopped keeping track.

Actually I was still losing weight, just very slow. I think I hovered around 179 in weeks 8 and 9 and I got down to 178 by the end of week 10.

I didn't complete the mission in 10 weeks, but I didn't give up and 5 days later I weighed in at 176.8. Sweet!

Mission Accomplished!

Even though the goal was to get down to 177, my real goal was just to get down to 180. That may be why the weight lose slowed down when I got under 180. Lost the motivation.

Now that I'm under 180, I kind of want to try for 175. 5 in 5 starts next Monday!! (I will have gained 3 lbs by next Monday because I've been eating like a pig).

Ciao!

The Good, The Bad, and the Butt Ugly (Literally)

I could write a lengthy blog about why I love being half German, but let's talk about one of the drawbacks. I am hairy as hell!! Now before ya get all crazy on me, let me clarify. I don't have hair on my back, hanging out my nose and my ears or anything like that. I just have a lot of hair in all the regular spots. And it grows very fast.

Needless to say, I require special attention in the arm pit area. First of all, I trim. Deduct man points if you want, but I HAVE to trim my armpit hair or a jungle will flourish. A humid South American rain forest type jungle.

Even with the trimming I have sweat issues and require a good antiperspirant. With so many options you would think that would be easy to find, but it hasn't. I have found effective antiperspirants, but there's always a side effect. They either ruin my clothes, don't last long enough, or shed white powder everywhere. Yuck!

Saw a commercial one day for 'Certain Dri' and it is supposed to work for up to 72 hours. Wait! What? Bought it the next day. Here's my review:

The Good: It works!

The Bad: It works too well and if you don't read the directions you will pay for it.

The Ugly: So I didn't read the directions and liberally applied Certain-Dri to my newly trimmed pits. As advertised I did not sweat the entire day. Ok. That's not true. Let me rephrase. I did not sweat the entire day...... from my armpits. I sweat like a mofo from everywhere else there are sweat glands including my exit hole. I sweat so much from my arsch (butt) that day I left a wet spot the shape of my butt crack on my chair at work. I switched out the chair. Someone else sitting on that now. hehe.

Anyway, all is not bad. I experimented with the Certain-Dri and feel like I got it figured out now. When I apply very little the night before, the next day I'm pretty much set for the day. I approve of this product. The guy (or gal) sitting in my old chair probably does not.

P.S. I trim my legs too. Don't hate.

2010 New Years Resolutions - 1 month to go

Failing!!!

Message to the ghost in my house

There is a ghost in my house that has been seriously annoying me lately. Since he or she is probably here watching me write this, I might as well address him or her directly.


Listen Ghost! I am not afraid of you. This is something you should now. I ain't afraid of no ghosts! So there really is no reason for you to wake me up at 5am with your 'boos', 'coos', and other strange sounds. Besides, I'm not due to wake up till 530am.

What is the deal anyway? Are you stuck in limbo and need help resolving some issue before you can cross over? Is that it? Did someone murder you and your killer was never caught and you won't rest until he pays for his crime. Whichever it is, I can help. Communication is the key here buddy. Leave me some clues! I recommend a message on the bathroom mirror after i take a hot shower. I figure you could manipulate the steam into words. No peeking.



If I am going to help you though, there has to be some ground rules.



1. No noises till after 530am. I'm cranky if I don't get at least 6 hours of sleep. I won't help you if I'm cranky.

2. If you're a female ghost from Asia please do something about your hair if you're going to show yourself. Cut it short, put it up, pull it back, or something. The long black hair hanging in front of the face with the one eye peeking out thing is a little scary.

3. Don't mess with my TV. If I'm watching one of my shows or football and you interrupt the TV signal or crawl out of the TV, our deal is off. No exceptions! There is a reason I don't use satellite.

4. Last but not least, You are not allowed to possess any object or anyone in this house...... unless your reason for possession is to communicate the problem you want me to solve for you. In that case, I will allow possession of any doll or toy with the exception of the Tickle Me Elmo. That would freak me out. If you cannot find an adequate toy, you can possess my daughter. But only for a short amount of time! And not during nap time!


PS: One more thing. My girlfriend says there is a bird that likes to hang out on my roof near the chimney opening making strange noises at 5am every morning. Can you handle that for me? I mean since you're up anyway.

NFL 2010 Regular Season Predictions

No bold predictions here. I don't think there are going to be any surprises this year except for maybe the decline of the NFC East and the resurgence of the Patriots. You can tease me after the season for my bad picks, but be sure to give me props for my good ones.



AFC East
New England Patriots 12-4
New York Jets 11-5
Miami Dolphins 9-7
Buffalo Bills 3-13

AFC North
Baltimore Ravens 10-6
Cincinnati Bengals 10-6
Pittsburgh Steelers 9-7
Cleveland Browns 2-14

AFC South
Indianopolis Colts 13-3
Tennessee Titans 11-5
Houston Texans 9-7
Jacksonville Jaguars 4-12

AFC West
San Diego Chargers 11-5
Oakland Raiders 7-9
Denver Broncos 6-10
Kansas City Chiefs 4-12

NFC East
Dallas Cowboys 10-6
Washington Redskins 8-8
New York Giants 7-9
Philadelphia Eagles 5-11

NFC North
Green Bay Packers 12-4
Minnesota Vikings 12-4
Chicago Bears 6-10
Detroit Lions 4-12

NFC South
New Orleans Saints 13-3
Atlanta Falcons 10-6
Carolina Panthers 6-10
Tampa Bay Buccaneers 3-13

NFC West
San Francisco 49ers 10-6
St. Louis Rans 5-11
Seattle Seahawks 4-12
Arizona Cardinals 4-12

Bitch Blog #1 (Everything Happens for a Reason)

I am not a big complainer. In fact, people who complain often annoy me. There is, however, something therapeutic about getting 'frustrations' off your chest every once in awhile.

So, I thought I'd start a series of blogs where I whine a little. For therapeutic purposes of course.

I want to start off with the most annoying cliche I can think of.

"Everything Happens for a reason"

I hate it when people say this. Hate!

I do understand that yes everything does happen for a reason, but I look at it more from a scientific 'Cause and Effect' point of view. That is not how the quote is used though. Most people use this annoying cliche as an excuse for failure, disappointment, or pain or to try to make you feel better after some kind of negative event. The most popular situation when this phrase is used is when there is a big breakup. You know how it goes.

Girl crying: Johnny broke up with me!

Friend of girl crying: Don't worry girl. Everything happens for a reason. You'll find someone better.

Annoying! Real Reason? You've let yourself go. He found a better looking chick. You nag too much.

Recently a top level potential star rookie pitcher tore his elbow tendon during a game which will sideline him for up to 18 months and could end his career. His response "Everything happens for a reason."

Yuck! Real Reason? You didn't stretch properly. You don't have good pitching technique. You have a weak body.

I know many will say God creates these crises to 'test' you. I just don't believe God does that. I'm not here to start a religious debate though so I'll move on.

To get back at the people that annoy me by saying "Everything Happens for a Reason", I'm going to start using it....in other situations.

Potential future conversations:

1. Where's Princess

Phone Rings

Me: Hello?

Friend: Oh my goodness. I can't believe it. (sobbing)

Me: What happened?

Friend: Princess. She's dead.(sobbing)

Me: How? What happened?

Friend: (Still sobbing) She was sleeping behind my car. I didn't see her and ran over her. How am I going to tell my daughter I killed her dog.

Me: Sorry to hear about that, but EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON! Guess you weren't meant to have that dog. Need a ride to the pet store?

2. The Factory

Coworker: (Screaming in agony) Aaargh!

Me: 911? A co-worker's leg just got caught in an assembly machine. It's cutting his leg off. Please hurry!

Co-Worker: Aaarrgh!!

Me: Hang in there buddy.

911: An emergency vehicle is on its way. Is he responsive?

Me: How you holding up John? His other leg is now gone too!

John: Aarrgh!!

Me: It's alright man. EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON! This was probably meant to happen to put pressure on the execs to build better wheelchair access. You're a hero buddy!

Factory manager: Tony. Weren't you supposed to be on the assembly machine today?

Me: Yeah, but I was running late this morning. Had to take a friend to the pet store.

32 Teeth

Do you act differently around 'unique' looking individuals or do you treat everyone the same? I used to think I was the same guy no matter who I was talking to. In fact, I've received compliments from 'odd' looking folks substantiation my belief. If I'm talking to you and you got crazy bad breath, I don't skip a beat. No reaction what so ever. If I'm talking to a female who is ...... 'Top Heavy', my eyes stay above the neck line like I would with anyone else. I may have snuck a peek, but she didn't notice. I have good peripheral vision. Most of the time I am on auto pilot when it comes to not showing surprise, shock, nausea, disgust, disapproval or disbelief. Lately though, I think I'm starting to slip.



Last year I needed some fence work done in my back yard so I randomly selected a guy from the online yellow pages. Guy shows up and I reach out with my right hand to shake his right hand. Problem!! He only has two fingers on his right hand! And it's two odd fingers like his thumb and pinkie. Something like that. The old Tony would have played it off showing no reaction whatsoever. Instead I looked down at this hand and said 'sorry about that'. I felt like an idiot! Anyway, dude did an excellent job on the fence. Six months later, I need the gate of my fence replaced. I call up two-fingers. He shows up and I'm ready for the hand shake. I put out my right hand, but this time he shakes my right hand with his left hand. Awkward! Damn!! He must have remembered our last encounter. That threw me off and again I look down at this hand. I'll be ready for him next time. He is a fence repair genius. No kidding. I don't know how he does it.



Some of you already know, I've been kind of cheating on my diet. I am currently addicted to Braum's chocolate ice cream. I don't go crazy. Just one scoop at a time! One day I am at the Braum's drive through..... (side note for those who don't know what Braum's is. It's like Dairy Queen, but better.) Back to the story. I pull up to the drive through to pay for my order when this guy sticks his head out the window and shocks the hell out of me. He has one eye sagging about an inch lower than the other. I'm staring at the thing wondering if he can see out of it. It looks like his eye is falling out of his head. You can see eye veins and the stuff that is normally behind the eye. I have to be real. It was Gross. So I'm staring at the guy for what seemed like 2 minutes when my ears finally stop ringing and I hear him say (probably for the 4th or 5th time) "$1.35 please". I felt like an ass because I knew he knew I was staring hard at his droopy eye. Why not wear a patch or something? Seems all was forgiven, because he gave me the biggest, best shaped scoop of ice cream a waffle cone could hold. Definitely better than the lady with no teeth who normally serves me.



I'm really starting to get concerned about this. When I used to work at an airport in Colorado I came across many different types of people of various sizes, shapes, colors......ailments. Nothing used to cause me to freeze, stare, or studder. I remember this one guy came through the airport with a tumor on the side of his face and neck the size of a basketball. Did not faze me at all. Maybe this Texas heat has messed me up somehow.



There's more!



There is a burger place in my town called Griff's. Decent place near my house. I go there last week for lunch and the lady that's on the grill has a Unibrow. One long eyebrow! The Unibrow has got to be the most unattractive facial feature. That's not all folks. She brings the food to the counter for me to pick up. (Not sure why the cook brought the food to the counter for me. She did not do that for anyone else. She must think all black guys like fat white girls) Anyway, as she gets closer I realize her unibrow is drawn in! Or tattooed! It's not her real eyebrow. She shaved her real eyebrow and with makeup drew in her own. A unibrow!! She smiled as she gave me the food. I did not smile back. I stared at her like she was from another planet. And maybe she was! A human wouldn't purposely do that to themselves, right? I hope to goodness it's not a tattooed brow gone bad. I hope she was just not good with the eyebrow pencil that morning. (FYI ladies! Men do not like the fake eyebrows! We like real hair up there!) Much respect to the Unibrow though. She hooked me up with a delicious burger. Better than the last one cooked by the girl with no teeth.



P.S. There really is a girl working at Braum's and at the burger place with missing teeth. I did not add that in for effect. My fence guy is also missing some teeth. We need to brush our teeth folks. Come on!