1. Hey Kaitlyn. Can you get me an Unsweet Iced tea please? No lemon.
2. Well it doesn't work on me. I'm more of a butt guy.
3. I'm playing poker with a lesbian couple. One of them is NOT a lesbian. Trust me!
4. No. I don't wear contacts.
5. Why didn't you call me to let me know my debit card is frozen because Visa's records were compromised? I heard 'I'm sorry sir, but your card has been declined' three times today.
6. What's your name? Well, thank you Angela.
7. Do me a favor guy. When I'm dealing, keep your hands out of the pot. (poker related, not drug related)
8. No thanks. I don't drink.
9. I wouldn't recommend getting the 100 watt bulb. It's too bright. Get the 60.
10. Why are you dressed like an Eskimo? It's 55 degrees, not 15.
11. You want to go into timeout?
12. I was going to try an make a homemade pizza, but I'm lazy now.
13. I want to rake the leaves, but it would be so much easier to just pay someone. Plus it's cold.
14. In Jesus name, amen.
15. I provide free foot and back massages.
16. I think you're incapable of telling the truth. You're a compulsive liar.
17. Would you believe me if I told you I was 28? Then I'm 28.
18. Let me help you with that.
19. Let me get a #5 with mayo, mustard, and sliced jalapenos. No onions. With an unsweet tea. No! I said UNsweet.
20. She's funny though. Trying to hook me up with girls in the office.
Sunday, December 18, 2011
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